Friday, September 23, 2005

I'm so tired of this...

I'm so tired of feeling like this. I need support and don't know what anybody can say to help me. Everybody says hang in there but damn I'm at the end of my rope..I've tied a knot and I'm hanging on as tight as I can.

I wanna laugh, I don't wanna feel this saddness deep inside of me and I don't want to keep freaking out everywhere I go. I'm tired of being in pain physically, mentally, emotionally, just everything...

We had to go to dinner for my brother in laws birthday tonight and the whole night has just been a blur to me. I remember sitting in the restaurant and just staring at my plate, feeling sick to my stomach and feeling like I was stuck in my own little sad world. I could see people laughing around me but couldn't join. I couldn't snap out of it and then I started getting anxious thinking OMG everybody probably knows I'm freaking out right now, they must think I have serious issues (I do ) but I don't like feeling like I'm being judged and truth be known now that I'm home nobody probably even noticed. I was invisable.

Does all that make sense?

Thankfully I have my beautiful children and my husband, who has been more understanding then I would've ever imagined he could be...

Comments:
Oh this path is so hard to walk. I hope that you will tt your dr. about how u r feeling. I have been blue for a while, but am digging out. You will too. Baby steps...baby steps...One of my favorite blogs: http://drdeborahserani.blogspot.com/ has beautiful posts and insight into depression and "freaking out"-everyone freaks out sometimes. Try her blog.
Take care, I'm here and I have felt the same way--very recently and you are NOT alone. hugs, Renee
 
Hugs to you..I understand...Your not alone. Hope you have better days ahead.
 
Melanie,

Very hard to live with what you have on a daily basis. My heart goes out to you.

~Deb
 
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