Friday, September 30, 2005


There's no one to blame
When you can't stop the rain

It grasps around me, tightening the hold
Overwhelming emotions beginning to unfold

It goes so much deeper than my skin
the saddened heart trying to escape from within

Trying so hard to deal with the pain
My old spirit I'd like to regain

I've been past the point of this is all I can take
Stuggling to smile for my families sake

I want to find a way to once again become whole
Please somebody rescue this deeply damaged soul.

It may be or sound lame, but talk to your dr. again and again and again until they get you relief. If it is physical-get all of the options--tens machines, which fake out your nerves have helped me in the past with chronic and dibilitating pain.
If it is the depression that is swallowing you up, get in there and they will add to or change your arsenal of medications. It is an unknown mix until they find the right combination for YOUR body.
If it is all of the above, do all of the above and don't stop until they get you on the right road.
The only other thing that I can offer is that water-being in a swimming pool takes the pressure off most pains-even depression. It's hard to be sad when you are splashing in the water. You have my sincere prayers for your comfort and peace, Renee
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Have you tried keeping a journal, not just of your home life but your everyday appreciation of life. Go outside to the park and write down everything you feel, good or bad. I know it's the medication and your illness, but perhaps this journal can give you some peace about the beautifull things of life and nature that we all seem to take for granted. I like going to the beach when I'm down. Something about the sound of the waves rolling to shore calms me like nature is washing away the pains of the earth or just looking out to sea thinking man even something as large as body of water knows how to be still. My brother is a schizophrenic and he had a hard time finding the right dose of medication and it was hard watching him go through it. Just take one step at a time make it through each day as if it were your first. Remember, your family loves you. You just need to take time out to love yourself. You have inspired me. Here I am complaining about minimal things like a job when you're battling somethng much deeper. i think you can be a real example for others who suffering like you are reminding them that there is life, peace and happiness even while you suffer.
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