Sunday, November 27, 2005

Santa's on his way....

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

I'm still here...

Yes, I'm alive....Just dealing with A LOT.

My neurologist discussed my issues with my leg and pain increase with a rheumotologist and after looking back through all of my charts and all of my current test results they have to come to the conclusion that my scleroderma is active again. They are going to try to alleviate some of my pain right away with some injections through my back into some specific nerves and then will start some aggressive medicating. I believe they are going to start with methotrexate and see how I do with that and then go from there. So, needless to say, I'm a wreck. One of my biggest fears has always been this disease coming back to take me away. I know it's all in God's hand and it's probably just another road bump in this drive we call life, however, I can't help but worrying. I'm already on 2 different antidepressants so really all I can do is just try and get through this. My husband has been wonderful through this all but I feel so bad. I feel like I'm disrupting their happy lives. My children and my husband shouldn't have to pay for this. It's not their fault. I try to put on a happy face and keep my mind occupied with other things (I got 100% on my first 2 exams for school) but sometimes I just break down. I have so many thoughts. I want to fight through this so bad and I know there's something to be said for a positive attitude with these things but it's hard when you have pain, depression and anxiety already to throw another thing into the equation.

Anyway, I know I have made some GREAT blog friends here and appreciate all the support so much. You let me whine and never offer anything but positive words back. Thank you for that. So with that said I felt like it was time to come share with you what's going on over here.

Now, let me share how I've been trying to keep myself occupied. This past weekend my son had a baseball game on Saturday and Sunday and my daughter had a cheerleading performance on Saturday and a competition on Sunday.

My son won both of his games and my daughter did great Saturday and her team came in first place Sunday.

Today is my husband and my 8th wedding anniversary. In all we have been together over 13 years now. That's a lot of ups and downs but as he reminded me there's nothing that's bigger than our love including problems with my health. He says he's here through everything no matter what. He makes me feel so secure. It's like falling in love with him all over again. It's funny, we're going through more now (emotionally, medically, financially, etc) yet we're happier together than we've ever been. I guess things like this either tear you apart or bring you closer.

Even with all that's going on, I know I'm still extremely blessed and enjoy counting each and every one of them. Here's a few right off the top of my head:

1. My children are happy and healthy.
2. My husband and I are stronger than ever.
3. I have a wonderful group of supportive friends.
4. We have a roof over our heads.
5. I have faith that everything happens for a reason and out of the big storms always comes a bigger rainbow.

As long as I can continue to remind myself of these things when I'm at my lowest feelings then all we be well. Actually, I know, all will be well no matter what.

I'll update more as I get more info from the doctors and try and get in a few uplifting posts too.

Thanks for checking on me stranger friends.

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